Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
