I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
