I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
