I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
