guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
