threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize