My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
