I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
