Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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