i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
