ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
