"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need a hoe opinion
go on
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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