Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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