Just fell off a train. Bad.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
