she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
