hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
