There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
