I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
