I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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