i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
