I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
