went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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