that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
