i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
