I met the friendliest cop last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
And then he peed in my hair
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