I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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