you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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