The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize