I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
