I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
