dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
