I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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