i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
