Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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