I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
