sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
