What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
