Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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