My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
