Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
