I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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