to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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