this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
