I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We named our party play list daddy issues
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
