I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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