I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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