I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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