I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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