I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
