Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
