The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
