So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
