if only i could text you this smell
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
