I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
