What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
either way he was missing a nipple.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
