I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize