Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had sex on a roof
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
