I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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