Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
