Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
