He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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