to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
