ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
