It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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