she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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