First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize