separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
